If You're Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner, Here's How to Get Back In Touch
Intuition is a freaky thing: Your body can tell when something doesn't feel right, even though there's no specific reason for you to think that way. It's the gut feeling that settles in the pit of your stomach when you just know something's changed, and that feeling can overcome your logic at different times. If you begin feeling disconnected from your partner, chances are, you've started to notice little things that you didn't before. And that strange disconnect can be really frustrating, especially if your feelings for your partner are as strong as they have always have been.
When it comes to feeling disconnected from your partner, it's important to remember is that's totally normal. "Every relationship will have its ups and downs, including times of deep connection and times of moving apart," NYC-based relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter tells Elite Daily. "This is the normal ebb and flow of established relationships." The disconnect between you and your partner can be a result of internal events, like a big argument. Alternatively, dissonance can happen if you're spending less time together because of work or school , Tyler Turk, founder Crated with Love, says. "Even though feeling disconnected is normal, it’s something to address because it can have a lasting effect on your relationship," he tells Elite Daily.
In order to start working on getting back to normal with your partner after feeling disconnected, the first thing you should do is talk to them about the behavior you've been noticing. "Sit your partner down and say, 'it seems we haven’t been the same lately. Is there anything going on I can help you with? I want to be there for you if something is wrong,'" Julia Bekker, matchmaker and dating coach at Hunting Maven, tells Elite Daily. "If it’s not an individual thing, the partners can talk about what is missing, lacking, or causing the disconnect by addressing it. Showing awareness in a comforting, non-combative way [can help you] see if [you] can work together toward a resolution."
If your partner acknowledges the disconnect and the two of you agree to put in the work to try to mend it, look back at what has worked for you in the past. "Did you have a special activity that brought you together? If so, then make it a priority to set aside time to do that activity again," Winter suggests. If there's a special kind of music you both like, spend some time listening to it together. If you have a favorite restaurant that you associate with happy memories, go! Whatever it is, be like Nike, and just do it.
Turk recommends a few other ways to reconnect with your partner. For starters, he says it can be important to reinvest in date night. "The quality time, laughter, and intimacy you create on a special date can reignite conversations and make you feel closer together," he explains. You can also try new things together, even if it's as simple as checking out a new restaurant in town or going to a local event neither one of you have been to before. "They offer moments that result in you learning or experiencing things for the first time together," he adds. Finally, Turk suggests finding ways to laugh together. "Laughter is so powerful when it comes to feeling connected to your partner," he continues. "Laughter can help your body stimulate endorphins which makes you feel happier, reduces your stress levels, and can promote creativity."
To avoid getting to the point where you're feeling disconnected from your partner, Bekker suggests checking in with one another often to see how you're both feeling and doing. "Make sure [you] are aligned with understanding each other’s needs, what [you] are giving and receiving and also be sure to show each other appreciation," she says. "Acknowledgement goes a long way." And if the disconnect is already there, Winter recommends reestablishing your communication and making sure you're carving out private time to be together, in order to get your relationship back on track, "Quality time together that's uninterrupted and focused will normally jumpstart the reconnection," she says. So, get some QT in with that cutie!